Доказано. Доказано, благородное и высокое, дар, талант, может явить себя и в рабе. Христанство восторжествовало. Только посмотрите на результаты, за какие-то пару тысячелетий мы, звери, "очеловечелись" -- и вышли в космос! Не пора ли вернуться к благородному и высокому?
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I rush, if as I won't have time to finish my projects. Maybe this Y2K thing got into my blood, but I run like an animal full of fear of the end of the world -- what? An earthquake? No, I am talking about my own end.
This is the last book of this cicle. All of them I began to write at the end of 1995. Five years later they are not finished. They can't be finished, especially the web-versions....
To complete them is all what I wanted from life.
Summary"Православие требует такого общества, которое не нуждалось бы ни в наказаниях, ни в надзоре, и по справедливости считает несовершеннолетними общества, которые нуждаются в дядьках, т. е. общества, в основе которых лежат начала юридические и экономические, ибо все юридическое и экономическое есть мерзость пред Триединым Богом и многоединым человеческим родом. К многоединству по образу Божественного Триединства самодержавие и ведет род человеческий. Сан самодержца - свойства религиозного и нравственного и предназначен для постепенного устранения всего юридического, как безнравственного и антирелигиозного".<<45>>
QuestionsТретье тысячелетие, эра Духа Святого, дожили!
Конечно, я растерялся. Но мне не привыкать...For a change I do not know where to send you after reading the last book. I would be lucky, if I could finish them all...Пора, пора распрощатся с двадцатым веком!
Destiny"Социализм в настоящее время не имеет противника; религии с их трансцендентным содержанием, "не от мира сего", с Царством Божиим внутри лишь нас, не могут противостать ему. Социализм может даже казаться осуществлением христианской нравственности. Нужен именно вопрос об объединении сынов во имя отцов, чтобы объединение во имя прогресса, во имя комфорта, вытесняющее отцов, выказало всю свою безнравственность".<<48>>
FROM JESUS TO CHRISTThe Untold Story
"Follow me," said Christ who followed nobody. He had no state or nationality, no family and even no friends. Jesus was a Jew and lived in Israel and had to die to let Christ live. Oh, yes, we followed you -- and that's where we are in KOG. I don't understand why didn't he talk about it and how the disciples didn't enough love for him to understand his journey from Jesus to Christ. I don't understand how easy the postmodern discusses the replacement of the real with its simulation. I left my birth country and chose America as my identity to escape this simulation. It's painful to write about my realization that my new home is not mine and not a home.Resurrection? I do not see my name on the list. There are so many people I would like to be there, in paradise, the eternity, that I have no time to think about myself. I am a doorman. I open the door and I stay by the door. Come in, get in. The women I have been with, I don't even remember their names, the girl, in the town of Ivanovo, with the Jewish last name "Freedman" -- what's your name? You have to enter the heavens first. "Take me with you," she said. I said that I want everybody I love, to be in the this flying...
The second death is not easier than the first. You know the symptoms, the process is faster, you recognize the signs. In many ways my American death is more excruciating than my Russian one. It was my chosen family, I didn't inherit it, I fought for it. I had a chance to select out of the whole world and I wanted the best. The most painful thought that it is the best. I have no illusions -- I have no place to go. That's how the promised land looks like. I don't even understand anymore how to call myself. Am I blessed with experiencing my death before dying? Oh, what a world you live in, Christ and I pity you, Jesus.
I remember my realization that Antohin has died. I lost my last name and I have no first name. That's how they address each other in heaven. They have no "you" -- only thou. That's how I talk with myself. I need no name to call myself. Do I need a country to live in? Not after death.
It's my feelings and thoughts but not exclusively my personal problems. I believe that I only articulate the situation we all are in. The death of America is a result of the mutual lost. We, the people, died as a citizens and the government we have is a simulation....
Sometimes I have to stop and let this thought of the end of the old world sink into my mind. Do I really witness the transition from earth to heaven? Of course, the earthy matters are still present but they are inferior to the powers of the new reality. I can't believe the timing of my birth. I remind myself that two thousand years ago I could be in the similar position if I was born in Bethleam with a name Jesus. I continue to think about the book of the youth of Jesus, the time of his realization who he is. In a way, all the books I am writing is the big silent book. For two thousand years we are writing this book.
I wasn't impressed with the Master's novel about Christ in the "Master and Margarita." I saw that Bulgakov is a good writer and lend his talent to his character. What I didn't like -- the fictionalization. I don't need to travel back in history, I don't wait for a moment when I can meet Jesus or Christ. Everything I need to find is in me, if only I could know better road to get there.
.... I remember, I promiced you to write about you. I did. If you are a man. Or woman. We are gone, both.
Reader, since you read my writing, you're the miracle. Between you and me is the impossible, the void; how could it happen -- our contact? I don't have to please you, I make very little effort to make my writing "understandable," I want understanding. My hope that you are burnt by the same desire. That's the basis of my hope for a miracle. What if it's not my energy, but ours -- or even yours that keeps me up at night? What if you, not me, who writes? You, who insists on staying away from the temptation to make it "readable"? You decide, you're God no less than I. Your will what I call my self. No, that's not the collective, not I&I, or the New Age.
I know that you're confused no less than me. You tell me how you want me to tell you the story of your living. That's why I have to start from the times when I didn't understand what I understand now. I want to talk about darkness, when I was this boy. I still am.
In the summer of 1996 my grandson was born in Denver. It'll take him another ten years before he will notice himself.
.... (from the file "Destiny")
For days I am thinking about you.
Thinking about you, Tanya, the actress from Leningrad, thirty years back, the one who changed my life, the one I defected from, crashing my Russian existence. "No, I can't start another life with her here," I remember it.
You go first, you live, you should be there.
2006. Тексты эти (по-английски) были написаны десять лет назад. Больше пяти лет они существуют полу-публично (интернет). "Книги" не закончены и не будут закончены. В принципе и никогда. "Тексты" -- не литература, книг из них не получится.
Да кому они нужны? Мне?
@2000-2004 film-north *
I cannot believe it! Are you still waiting for "narrative"? What narrative? No, no time for it.
Th story will slow me down; I have to explain everything -- what is the picture of Moon-Earth of 1969 is doing on this page... or the banners, the links.
Or why some texts are in Russian, when -- in Russian?
I am not a writer, I have no time to enjoy the process of writing.
I never read what I wrote. I hope that I remember what I wrote.
I hoped that the story will appear by itself. I hoped. Not anymore.