continued from death Death is a process.[ Cuts from Death File ("Reckless" chapter) ]

What is death? If I don't know about myself, is it death too?


“Ибо так возлюбил Бог мир, что отдал Сына Своего Единородного, дабы всякий верующий в Него не погиб, но имел жизнь вечную” (Иоан. 3:16). How don't they see it -- the sacrifizing man for god, son for father, one for many? What else could be said about the idea of communism? The best has to die. This is humanism -- and this is un-natural, everything in nature is opposite to this principle. Nietzsche cried about choosing the weak over the stronger. Individual was the goal and triumph of civilization. For two thousand years we keep asking more and more from him. We asking for self-negation as the last push to human perfection. God becomes the last. Why do we surprise of the anti-religion tendencies of the past three centuries? Even the Christ's resurrection is for human immortality! What is the only requirement? You have to believe in this God, i.e. behave like he does. This madness we call "love"...


Федоров отрицает человека как самоцель и самоценность, как личность, и признает лишь сына, т. е. члена рода. Братство по отчеству он ставит выше равенства и свободы. Совершеннолетие сынов человеческих тогда только начнется, когда человечество перейдет от воспитания детей отцами к воскрешению отцов детьми.


Everything dies. Except for the word. Death is horrofying and never could be accepted -- this is why I need it, the word. Not words, but this word John wrote about. Somehow I still believe that this is my word. No, I need to think this through; the difference between the old word and the new. The word after the Internet. My words are not mine since I send them out and they are deposited somewhere, I don't even know where, in a giant computor, not my memory only. Not in your memory only, after you read it. This is the idea of Book. Maybe this is the end of inviduality the way we know it, and this is what Fedorov (in Russian) wrote about. I am doubling myself, I am seen (it's a matter of time before everything could be recorded and tored forever). I am becoming transperent, the invisible become visible. What do we need art for?
One thought comes to me often: what if my words are reformormated by that huge electronic brain, called "webpages"? I wait for a moment I won't recognize my own writing...

The task is simple, leave the religious forms behind -- and free Fedorov's (Christianity) idea to be free. Oh, we will get there, to the birth of God; your business is you, your personal resurrection. Do you know how to do it? Do you understand what I mean?


[RECKLESS contunied]


Norman Rene (director of the 1995 movie "Reckless"): "we're not willing to look at the bad things in the world. People are expected to be happy. They're expected to be close to their families. They're expected to be safe..."[1]
Too much to expect from (normal, peaceful) life? Should we expect "bad things"? Even on holidays (celebration of goodness in life)?

Especially, on Christmas. American Xmas...

Lucas' monologues include formal legacy of Beckett, but he is social, not metaphysical:

RACHEL: Wait a minute! Santa! Santa. Sat-na. At-sna. At-san. Tas-na. As-nat. Santa, Merry Christmas from Santa... Sat-na. Sat-an. Satin. Satan! Merry Christmas from Satan! Oh God. Christ's birthday, Merry Christmas from Satan, Lloyd![2]
All bad things take place on Christmas, the day of the birth of God-man.... You still don't know what took place on that day? THE BIRTH OF THE DEATH. That's was the BIRTH OF THE END OF THE WORLD. The begining of the end, as we say. We celebrate it! We sing the carols and rap the gifts....

First, it was Santa instead of Christ. Why? What do we cover up? The old clown in a red (!) suit with the only means of punishment -- not giving presents! Christmas consumerized (Disney Santa, gift-shops, etc.) to focus on sages with their little presents. We even brought back a pagan vegetation symbol --christmas tree, and, yes, idols, decorations -- plastic. Xmas lights, instead of stars. Mary, child, their dramatic future -- gone. Yes, Rachel, Satan!

[ Reckless, the show I drected, Lucas, Theatre UAF ]

.... “Духовные основы жизни” (1882 — 1884 гг.; здесь работа цитируется по отдельному изданию — Санкт-Петербург, 1995 г.). Во второй части трактата, в главе “О христианстве”, Вл.Соловьев пишет: “Христианство явилось как добрая весть спасения всему миру. /…/ Мiр или мир (космос) значит именно согласие и лад. /…/ Каждое существо /…/ только в связи со “всем” находит свой смысл /.../ и свою истину. /…/ Безусловное первоначало и источник всякого бытия есть абсолютная целость всего сущего, т.е. Бог. Это целость всего, пребывающая сама по себе в неизменном покое вечности, открывается и проявляется во всеединяющем смысле мира /…/ Древнему миру было довольно созерцать Божество как идею; новый мир, уже видевший Божество как действительное явление, не может ограничиться созерцанием /…/ Человечество обязано не созерцать Божество, а само делаться божественным. Согласно этому новая религия не может быть только пассивным богопочитанием или богопоклонением, а должна стать активным богодействием, т.е. совместным действием Божества и человечества для пересоздания сего последнего из плотского или природного в духовное и божественное. /…/ Полное воссоединение исцеленного мира с Богом или совершенное воплощение абсолютного смысла в мире как в живом организме Божества, где Бог будет все во всех, составляет конец того дела, начало которому положено воплощением того же Божественного смысла в индивидуальном существе Иисуса, Первенца из мертвых и краеугольного камня в создании живого всемирного храма. В этом деле человечество должно содействовать Богу, ибо без такого содействия не будет взаимности или полного внутреннего соединения, сочетания Бога с творением; ибо этот смысл есть не просто единство, а согласие всех или всеединство. Содействие же человечества Богу в этом деле всемирного исцеления должно состоять в постепенном, свободном и сознательном превращении плотской жизни в себе и вне себя в жизнь духовную, — материализацию духа и одухотворение материи, воссоединение материи, воссоединение этих двух начал, на разделении которых основана плотская жизнь”.
What does Fedorov say? Very Orthodox, very Russian. If Christ has no human nature in Him, nor I -- after the resurrection...
Memories of American Dream -- "retro" is an emotion. Feeling of feelings we no longer have... We are reckless in our hopes, dreams, expectations?! No imagination, no vision of future, only wishes. Too much of imagination? We run away from the past in order not to see the present, and not to know the future. That's why we need optimistic dreams -- to deny, to cover, to forget. We need fairy-tales, the true departure from reality. Nativity isn't enough.

Oh, the Christmas, child's world. "I'm having one of my euphoria attack. I think I'm going to be terminally happy, you better watch out, it's catching. Highly contagious..."[3]

Since we're not children, we PRETEND. "Rachel thinks everything's wonderful, finds out everything's horrible" (review in San Francisco Chronicle). Don't we all? "Things just happen!"

Fear of Christmas is no surprise -- the pick of celebrating "this" life, which is no friend to me. Holidays = time of loneliness, betrayed hopes. Season of suicide attempts. Christmas snow glass -- dead world, a toy. Christmas is unreal, theatrical, artificial, staged. It only can be watched, do not touch -- we can't experience joy, only expectations of joy.

Last scene of the play, a finale.

They end up in Alaska. Rachel and her son. Last frontier of what? Last place of escape. Clean, quiet, peaceful? Ice: the world where Dr. Frankenstein finally found his monster. Today, twenty below zero. Snow, cold, symbols of death? Twisted Christian mind put the birth in the middle of the winter night.

Alaska... Not a place, a concept. Even WINTER is fake?

TOM JR. ... I kind of thought I'd get away, you know? Alaska seemed like the place.
RACHEL. It is.
TOM JR. Not really. They have Christmas here too.[4]

The House of Santa Claus is a twenty minute drive from Fairbanks to North Pole. The shop operates all year around. They're selling Christmas every day. They capitalize on cold, remoteness, darkness. Alaska must be sold and the tourist industry is the second (after oil) source of revenue for the state. Sell them a dream. How else can you fight the tragedy?

RACHEL: ... and he (her husband) says he's taken a contract out on my life.
DOCTOR: This upsets you.
RACHEL: Maybe I'm overreacting. Or he's kidding, which I think he must be. But anyway, I wind up spending Christmas with this man I meet at the Arco station and his girlfriend who is crippled and deaf, she says, you know, with hand signals until suddenly she just turns to me and starts saying how she had to pretend she was deaf to get the attention of this man we're all living with who's changed his name and run away and she's changed her name and I've changed my name and we're all working in the same place and she's telling me all these secrets and all of a sudden she says, "Why don't you talk to a psychiatrist?"
DOCTOR: And here you are.
RACHEL: Here I am.
DOCTOR: When did you have this dream?[5]

What is life? Or should we ask "What kind of dreams could we have nowdays?" Oh, we over-reacting to the end of the world. Wake up, Rechel, life is a bad dream. You were reckless to be born. Now you know it.


It was written a few years ago by a man. I was a man. You still can see it. I am not used to be a woman. It's difficult for me to exprience that steady anger at the world without men. My furry as a man was that deadly.

I thought that the Simulacra instead of the Reality is painful. What did I know? Woman can't take it at all, because of her nature -- and this is the new world that empowered her, made her independent, equal, strong as man....

What do you expect now? What can we expect?

The war. Pure and Total War. Of course, we know it as Peace, final peace...

You wanted to know more about death? Didn't you get it? Don't you notice what I struggle with? Why do you think I keep writing? I want to be born!

There is no death in Our Age... Alas, there is no birth too. Unless, you can give it to yourself.
Next: back to Death

@2000-2004 title * Come on! The Resurrection Fedorov wrote about over one hundrend years ago took place. I have to worry not about being connected with you, but about being Me. The divine technology gave me eternal existence, I better think about my "personal" birth, something I only can do.